“You need care and sensitivity,” Webb says.

When it comes to conversations like these, what you say is nearly as important as how you say it. “This is someone who might cry, yell, or get defensive.” You need to “be prepared for any reaction.” Whatever you do, “don’t wing it,” she warns. “This is likely someone with a strong personality, who might push back or challenge the feedback,” she says.

“You want neutral observations, such as, ‘I observed X in the last meeting, and the impact was Y.” It’s also wise to strategize how your employee might respond to your comments. “Don’t make judgments, don’t generalize, and don’t interpret,” Su says. “This is a conversation that requires a lot of preparation.” She recommends collecting your thoughts by asking yourself what behaviors you personally have observed.

Here’s how to handle this difficult conversation.īefore you begin the discussion, you need to think deeply about what you plan to say, Webb says. “Doing your job well is about not just your ability to get your own work done but also your ability to work with others.” If your employees aren’t getting the job done, it’s your responsibility to talk to them about it. In most jobs success depends on collaboration, she adds. “Letting the behavior go will only lead to bigger problems down the road,” says Amy Jen Su, managing partner of Paravis Partners and coauthor of Own the Room. But it’s a conversation you need to have. Telling employees that they’re alienating colleagues requires “a great deal of delicacy,” she says. And when the feedback is about an employee’s personal style, the task is even harder. “It always difficult to give someone serious performance or behavioral feedback in a way that doesn’t put that person on the defensive,” says Caroline Webb, author of How to Have a Good Day and CEO of the coaching firm Sevenshift. What should you say? How do you broach the topic? As the manager, you know it’s your job to address the issue, but you’re not sure how to start the conversation. No matter the specific behavior, your employee is clearly rubbing people the wrong way. Or being condescending, or even combative. Maybe the person is interrupting colleagues too often. If you’ve ever cringed in a meeting when your direct report was talking, you know how tough it can be to watch a team member undermine themselves.

I have that effect on people